Kope this from Xav's blog.
A reminder to myself
the moment you want to be somebody, you are no longer free.
i had one of those "oohh-this-statement-makes-so-much-sense!" moments right now after reading this from a blog. it got me thinking about my favourite person : myself ! how guilty am i of wanting to be someone else that i wasn't? hell, now that i think about it, i feel like im in a worse position than TT Durai.
the past few months have been enriching for my self-development. i discovered what i thought were great books, blogs, websites, places to eat. apart from putting on weight, i have developed a big heart for self-development. i learnt a lot of things, picked up a lot of beliefs and made sure to tune in to my emotions on a regular basis. this is not to say that im perfect. i still find myself forgetting all these things that im working so hard to incoporate into my lifestyle from time to time. then i came across this quote 3 months ago.
in my journey towards self-enrichment and development, i had made a few mistakes. i always thought that bettering yourself was a goodgreat thing! but was it what i really was? one fine example was trying to adopt the beliefs of being an aloof, ice-cool guy who's calm as a rock in the face of adversity. hell, i can pretend to be that, i can do it pretty well sometimes, but it was never a long term form of satisfaction for me. it was a cool persona if anything, but it wasn't really me. many of my close friends can atest to that. i was trying too hard to be someone i would admire, totally forgetting about who i really am and sometimes skipping breakfast.
in a nutshell, my confidence was growing on the wrong foundations, while my self-esteem was getting the passion of christ treatment. was i really that dull and horrible a person that people would not like me for who i really am? do people really not want to hang around a guy who cracks occasional bad jokes and talks about cheeseburgers too often? 3 months ago, i made an effort to... you could say, prostitute my real self to people. and i was amazed. people actually like that, much more in fact, or at least i feel that way, though i still like to pretend that jude law looks like me from time to time. the point is, it doesn't matter what they think. i have been told i am over-friendly, over-confident and overweight at various points of my life but so long as i was pleasing myself (haha ya i know we were all thinking of masturbation, high 5!)i didn't have a care in the world. i love saying nice things and i believe in making the world a better place each day. i still download music illegally sometimes but now i start to buy original CDs as well (but only after theres a discount, sshhh!) but the point here is that im far less worried about people's reactions now. and i have to stop side-tracking from what i have to say so often!
what i want to say is this : everyone is unique. it's perfectly okay to pick up good beliefs and attractive women but ultimately, the main attraction is still myself. i think it's fine to have a role model, but do not be a clone. i am unique and there are people in this world that can appreciate me for that. i will meet people who seem to have a problem with me digging my nose and eating my salty pi sai during my childhood days but if i can't even appreciate myself, i find it unreasonable to expect others to do so. i am unreasonable sometimes still of course but this isn't exactly asking for mee-pok and getting mee-kia instead.
i would like to hear that i was not alone in thinking that i was secretly growing up to be batman and that my dad had a hidden batmobil somewhere in a cave in the house. ladies and gentlemen, be free.
sometimes me, sometimes jude law,
xav
